life of uncertainty

My little boy turns 8 today! It is the first birthday in a long time that has felt momumental. I attribute that not only to his being half way to driving age but also because these last few years have been monumental.

At this time, eight years ago, I was in the early stages of induction and other than the dreaded IV I was doing all right. I had a monumental support in my then life partner and my parents were eagerly awaiting the arrival.

E wasn’t the first grandchild but I know that as I was their first born, and he mine, this was a special event.

While I’ve yet to fully come to terms with events of my labor and delivery this much is certain, in that moment when I heard his first cries, and the announcement that he was in fact the boy I’d dreamed of, none of it mattered. My heart opened with a depth I never knew existed! And there was something truly magical about those first moments shared with him and his father in our own little birth bubble.

He is such a light in my life! I’m so glad I got to spend those first 5 months of his life just hanging out, sleeping, nursing, playing, loving! He is so quick with a smile. He’s brilliant of course! A talented artist. He’s been a fantastic big brother for certain! These last few months I’ve really watched him grow and seperate from me as he’s become the big basketball player he is. My heart still breaks a little when he’s hurt but they no longer all require mom’s hugs and kisses (but sometimes they still do). I know that we will move into more and more trying years but I think we’ll be ok.

I’m getting a thrill watching his mind expand. Today he’s a loyal snake enthusiast, bears are good too and by the end of his project he’ll add gecko expert to his resume. It is about time he’s gotten to put his multiplication skills to use in school. American Idol rocks, especially Adam, whom today I believe he finally admitted is more talented than David Cook His favorite colors currently mimic mine, blue and orange. He roots for the Beavers almost exclusively, except on those days he doesn’t. He wants to play basketball forever. And video games to. I’m amazed at how prone to ‘boredom’ he is.

While it is sometimes more than my sentimental heart can bare he’s got questions up the wazoo about where and why certain family members are or aren’t apart of our lives. I focus on the positive, he’s processing. Pepperoni from Pizza Hut and chocolate milk are high on the list of requests. As are Lunchables, popcorn and quesadillas. Every other ocassion for vegetables are hit or miss with the exception of iceburg salad or steamed brocolli. He seems to be well on his way to becoming a seafood person. Time will tell if I’m right or he stays limited to fish sticks and his uncle’s catfish. He’s long been in his ‘big boy bed’ on a regular basis and probably almost as long ago stopped referring to it as such. In homage to my dear wandering friend Rudy, E likes to be tucked in tight. Closet light on is a must, heat? Not so much.

I know he is my son because he’s caring, sensitive, loves me, loves music, requests to listen to the Beatles and loves getting postcards from aunt in NYC.

At eight I have to say I adore that he’s capable of brushing his own teeth, using his inhaler, picking his clothes, pouring beverages, pushing the popcorn button, toasting, and making us PB&J dinner when I really need a break. Showers only require my attention to the nozzle direction and small errands on his own are a delight for us both.

Today I delight in the recent requests to sleep in the bed as a family and the boy in my lap during lunch at school! I’ll cry over some old baby photos and hope for some good free throws.
I’m so incredibly lucky to have you as my son Elijah!!!

Love,
Mom