life of uncertainty

I could write all these beautiful things about why I love you and how you fill my childhood memories but I won’t because you are here, you are alive and you must fight!

We are not ready to let you go and I will plead for the gods to let us keep you, they’ve taken enough already.

I believe in you. You are strong. You have so very many people who love you. I love you dearly, Jennifer

my grandfather suffered a major heart attack Monday afternoon and is still in an induced coma so his heart can build strength for the needed bypass surgery, each passing day is tougher to endure but I’m still hoping for the best

Today is my birthday and it is a good day.
I’ve felt lots of love today, some unexpected.
Free lunch, a yummy cupcake, a new bag; what more could a girl want?
So many delights!

This time a year ago I think I was beginning to get into my own stride. I requested to celebrate my birthday with a party at my place, with a variety of friends and family. I spent the fall and early winter thinking, hoping, that just maybe I could have the life I wanted; the one I thought I had. I’ve spent the remainder of the winter and the spring in a really dark place. An attempt to shine some light led to a period of even more darkness but I think I’m on another upswing.

Maybe it is Vitamin D, maybe it is EF.FEX.OR, maybe it is enough distance from all the yuck that I can see that I have to pave my own road forward if I want to accomplish good things in life. I’m not sure what it is but I am grateful.

I’m so thankful for my mostly healthy family (current chest colds aside), my dear, long-time friends who I never stop blessing for being in my life, the growth of the deep, respectful relationships I have with my siblings, finances that allow me to return to school, the light that school sheds on my life in the future, days of alone time with Little Miss, new friends, Happy Birthday texts that start at 5:30 in the morning and last all afternoon, a good night sleep and living another year to reflect on all life does have to offer.

I’m heading to the northern Oregon coast tonight or early tomorrow. I’ll be spending the time with my extended family and my kids. I’ll be staying in a cabin. I’ll be spending as much time as possible near the water.

It is a three day weekend for me, about to start in a mere 20 minutes.

I had a fabulous visit with my cousin Derek!

I hope whatever you and yours do this holiday weekend you do at least one thing to feed your soul and you stay safe.

Hasta la proxima,