life of uncertainty

Last Saturday, the 25th, my family and I participated in a charity walk for an organization. I did it last year and had a blast. I was pleased this year when my parents and some local friends wanted to join. Our family was personally touched by premature birth years ago when my cousin was born. Today she is a vibrant 20 something! She was my only experience with prematurity and at the time I was too young to comprehend the seriousness of the situation. I do remember that my aunt lived with us for a time and shared a room with me and I recall the monitors at night.

Flash forward 15 years and my niece was born suddenly at 28 weeks gestation. Both my brother and his now wife were teenagers, still in school. I knew that would be hard on them but it wasn’t until I researched prematurity at that time that I realized what both G and V were up against. Again our family was blessed when after 3 months V came home and has been growing, and growing with each passing year. She will be 10 at the end of this year and has no lasting negative effects.

I know now that we are the lucky ones, we are in the minority! I’ve come to know so many stories that have been shared of baby losses. At work I’ve watched a coworker’s family go through the worst outcomes of premature birth and I am saddened and propelled to action by wanting to just take all this pain away from all these families. I know that isn’t my place and so I walk. I pester anyone who happens to be an acquaintance for money and I donate. It is a small step but something we all can do.

This year I wanted to put as much positive energy out there as I could so I decided to make little name bracelets for the babies who have become part of my daily life!

Saturday I walked for not only Victoria and Gloria but for Ava and Noah and for all the other angels out there who have led me to their families (even if only virtually

Sam and Jack
Maddy
Henry
The Twins
William
Thomas
Alex and Travis
Birdie
Charlotte
Callum
Hannah
Natan

It is but a small token but I wanted to share their names with my team and I hope they let you all know that they are not forgotten. If any of the mothers would like to email me their mailing address I would be happy to send them to you. My email is jruks [at] yahoo

Pictures will hopefully be added tomorrow! And a huge thank you to everyone that sponsored our team!

I’ve come to know through some stories that there are mixed thoughts/emotions about this particular organization so I’ve tried to make this as generic as possible. If anyone would like their child’s name removed from this post please leave me a comment or drop me an email.

This is my last call for last minute donations! I want to give a huge thank you to all those that have already sent their support by donating and/or all the well wishes!

Do you have $5 to help out an organization that works to save babies from being born too soon and/or with serious birth defects? Anyone in the area want to join our team? It is so much fun walking around beautiful downtown Salem. Be sure to bring your camera!

Additionally, I want to do something special to hold those babies whose stories have personally touched me close to my heart on Saturday. Any suggestions? I’d also like to gather names for the walk. I have some in mind already but would gladly add anyone that wishes.

Wow, so many bloggers giving away the HP Wireless Photosmart C6380 All-in-One

I’m so excited I can barely think straight. I’m waiting for some free time to puruse computers because I’m really in the need for one. I have an older one sitting on my closet floor but have no space for it and no internet so I’ve been living internetless for almost 2 years. Yikes! As my son moves forward in school it has become apparent that they kind of are nearing necessity (especially when you have a 3 year old who makes going to the library, or the rental office kind of unproductive)

anyways… I’m rambling. I would love to have a cool wireless printer to add to my computer adventure. Now that I’ve come aware that it is an all in on the projects are endless… printing all my digital photos, I like having the tangible, scanning my childrens’ art work, printing my own cards/invitations, making my own art and scanning it, photocopying recipes for friends, or from borrowed books for myself… Yippee!! Go check them out. You could win one for yourself.

It is too late to enter, and therefore win, but check out the Food Librarian’s blog anyway will you!

After commenting about all the different ways we utilize our neighborhood library; books, videos, dances, Lego building contests, and the book repair class I’ve never taken, I won! I’m so excited!

So it was with special pride and awareness that my son and I visited the library not once, but twice, on Saturday to load up on information on geckos so we could build a diorama. He’s been working on the report at school but so many of the facts escape him once he’s home and in weekend mood. I, of course know next to nothing about geckos and am very intimidated by dioramas and projects in general (researching is one of my worst weaknesses)

Once we got some ideas though it all came together pretty quickly! I think I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again “I’m amazed at how good color photocopies are anymore!” I’m thankful for the parents watching Miss Z or I would have been pretty overwhelmed. As the day wore on we repurposed some plastic rocks and trees from the Goodwill box and made use of the last sour cream and onion cricket E received for his birthday (don’t ask) and now I’m eagerly awaiting his grade.

Here’s a photo of the “Gecko Fact Diorama” as named by the boy. I’m not sure how it will appear on screen but the actual photo of the diorama makes the gecko in the foreground look 3-D when in fact it is just a photocopy. I told you they were good!

Yes, I totally did that to LOOK in school.
We also did this in Spanish class to OJO (word for eye)

My little boy turns 8 today! It is the first birthday in a long time that has felt momumental. I attribute that not only to his being half way to driving age but also because these last few years have been monumental.

At this time, eight years ago, I was in the early stages of induction and other than the dreaded IV I was doing all right. I had a monumental support in my then life partner and my parents were eagerly awaiting the arrival.

E wasn’t the first grandchild but I know that as I was their first born, and he mine, this was a special event.

While I’ve yet to fully come to terms with events of my labor and delivery this much is certain, in that moment when I heard his first cries, and the announcement that he was in fact the boy I’d dreamed of, none of it mattered. My heart opened with a depth I never knew existed! And there was something truly magical about those first moments shared with him and his father in our own little birth bubble.

He is such a light in my life! I’m so glad I got to spend those first 5 months of his life just hanging out, sleeping, nursing, playing, loving! He is so quick with a smile. He’s brilliant of course! A talented artist. He’s been a fantastic big brother for certain! These last few months I’ve really watched him grow and seperate from me as he’s become the big basketball player he is. My heart still breaks a little when he’s hurt but they no longer all require mom’s hugs and kisses (but sometimes they still do). I know that we will move into more and more trying years but I think we’ll be ok.

I’m getting a thrill watching his mind expand. Today he’s a loyal snake enthusiast, bears are good too and by the end of his project he’ll add gecko expert to his resume. It is about time he’s gotten to put his multiplication skills to use in school. American Idol rocks, especially Adam, whom today I believe he finally admitted is more talented than David Cook His favorite colors currently mimic mine, blue and orange. He roots for the Beavers almost exclusively, except on those days he doesn’t. He wants to play basketball forever. And video games to. I’m amazed at how prone to ‘boredom’ he is.

While it is sometimes more than my sentimental heart can bare he’s got questions up the wazoo about where and why certain family members are or aren’t apart of our lives. I focus on the positive, he’s processing. Pepperoni from Pizza Hut and chocolate milk are high on the list of requests. As are Lunchables, popcorn and quesadillas. Every other ocassion for vegetables are hit or miss with the exception of iceburg salad or steamed brocolli. He seems to be well on his way to becoming a seafood person. Time will tell if I’m right or he stays limited to fish sticks and his uncle’s catfish. He’s long been in his ‘big boy bed’ on a regular basis and probably almost as long ago stopped referring to it as such. In homage to my dear wandering friend Rudy, E likes to be tucked in tight. Closet light on is a must, heat? Not so much.

I know he is my son because he’s caring, sensitive, loves me, loves music, requests to listen to the Beatles and loves getting postcards from aunt in NYC.

At eight I have to say I adore that he’s capable of brushing his own teeth, using his inhaler, picking his clothes, pouring beverages, pushing the popcorn button, toasting, and making us PB&J dinner when I really need a break. Showers only require my attention to the nozzle direction and small errands on his own are a delight for us both.

Today I delight in the recent requests to sleep in the bed as a family and the boy in my lap during lunch at school! I’ll cry over some old baby photos and hope for some good free throws.
I’m so incredibly lucky to have you as my son Elijah!!!

Love,
Mom