life of uncertainty

Responsibilities

While I love the idea of making lists I can’t bear to have little scraps of paper everywhere. I carry a moleskin but almost never use it for lists; I don’t like to tear out the pages.

In a quiet moment with one child coloring and another studying I thought I’d take a moment to list electronically.

I keep putting so many things off, there aren’t enough hours in the day it seems and my current class is kicking my ass and leaving me little desire for anything but drowning in television and solitaire.

Anyway…

- total up all the medical bills that keep pouring in from the collections agencies
- oh yeah, and then call them and make arrangements
- finish taxes
- submit FAFSA
- set a budget
- start serious scholarship search
- submit flexible spending for 2009
- reorganize bathroom cupboards
- finish packing away holiday decorations
- shop for a desk
- pull the trampoline back out
- make a thrift store drop off
- look over legal paperwork
- attempt to reread this week’s material, make some attempt at homework
- clean bathroom
- clean bedroom
- grocery shopping
- figure out how to get a really upset 8 year old to prep for a speech
- end this entry as life is calling

January 26, 2010 - 7:05 PM Comment (1)

Me… in a box

The only kind of box I’ll let you put me in, any of you. :-)

my lovely gift from my dear Gabo, including all things Jennifer…

December 29, 2009 - 11:01 AM Comments (3)

Merry Christmas and Belated Yule!

I’m writing this late on Christmas Eve, 12 mins to go and I really wanted to share my holiday spirit.

tree - check
lights - check
music - check
goodies - check
family - check

To those I know well and those I know period. Good tidings to you all!

Mom, Dad, David, Sarah, Pamela, James, Melissa, all my in-laws, my nieces and nephews, my children, the girl, Solomango, Gabo, your families, Dana and all the rest. You know who you are.

And as this is my blog a shout out to those of you in blogland that fill each and every day of mine with inspiration, laughter, and words for thought

Monica, Ree, SouleMama, Carol, Erin, Tash, Niobe, Kristie, Deb, Bakerella, all the contributors at Crafty Crow, Mary the Librarian, Misfitza, BasilBean, Catherine, Beruriah, all the contributors at Glow in the Woods

Good night!

December 25, 2009 - 12:05 AM Comments (2)

Friday distraction

I’m having a hard time staying focused today. It can’t possibly have anything to do with the nothing but sugar I’ve been eating pretty much all week. I plan to attempt to control that starting tomorrow.

I’ve been spending a lot of time looking around for crafts for my children and I to do for Solstice/Christmas. This leads me to a list, of all things lovely, some seasonal, some not so much.

- tattoos, I’m dying to get my first one but having a hard time finding a good design. I know what I think I want but the options go so many ways even with one symbol. If you need a good place to look around check out this site, www.tattoofinder.com

- ornaments, a fellow mama turned me onto this collective site. I’m loving it as much as I am the individual crafts, the name is pretty great as well. Check out the stained glass ornament, the little caps, a candy dish, menorahs, and rainbow jewels

- this bookcase, the girl shared it with my months ago and I can’t get it out of my head. Damn having no money!

- my little Miss

My little Who

My little Who

- winter break from school, for me

- this book, and this one, and this one too!

- plans for baking, cake balls and hopefully these chocolate sugar cookies. Bakerella is always so fun even if I stay simpler than her ideas. I think I’ll use the recipe for the cookies from the joyofbaking.com

- getting and decorating our tree

- lazy weekends

- Christmas shopping without leaving my house, finding everything I’m looking for and no shipping or handling charges

- a weekday lunch with my kidlets

- joining Phi Theta Kappa

- Christmas music cds from friends

- eggnog, ham, turkey, rolls, butter

- planning to put together a basic craft toolbox so my kids and I can have fun whenever the urge gets us. I’m thinking Modge Podge, paints, some adhesives, foam paint brushes, craft foam? Suggestions? I welcome them all.

- my X-acto knife set

- The end of the day :-D

December 11, 2009 - 4:10 PM Comments (2)

Treats

aztec altar

aztec altar

pan y chocolate

pan y chocolate

StormShadow

StormShadow

Lil Witch

Lil Witch

My Brother

My Brother

November 4, 2009 - 3:29 PM Comments (2)

Eve

Well I did not accomplish everything on my list, and I forgot to take the picture of the updated list but at least I have something to show for my efforts last night.

lanterns

lanterns

I love Halloween, I always have but as I age I think I find I am more and more tickled by an little thing I can add to the season. I find my groove carving pumpkins and really do wish to invest in good tools and maybe a class, or better yet maybe figure out if wood carving could calm my soul as well.

Tonight is my dear Gabrielle’s 30th birthday party! I am very excited. I even bought make-up! I said it once today and I’ll say it again, there is nothing better than a Saturday, fall back Halloween!

October 30, 2009 - 12:08 PM Comment (1)

Head

the list

the list


I’m going to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off (oh look! Halloween imagery)
I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. How did this week get away from me?
While thinking about all the things to do in prep for Halloween I’ve been so thankful that I could do them on Friday night, all the while knowing neither my kids nor I will be home but never connecting those dots. To make things worse I began tearing my room apart about 9pm last night and now have a disaster, a HUGE need to get a dresser out of the hallway and into my room and family coming tomorrow.

I made a list earlier today, it seems a little more manageable in list form than swimming around in my head yet at the same time I know how one word, clean, means so very much.

October 29, 2009 - 3:38 PM Comments (3)

Wave… of Love

I’m borrowing this from Monica with some personal adjustments. Thank you for this post! I was going to publish something this evening but love the idea of posting early enough to catch someone who hasn’t seen 7 o’clock yet this evening.

**This is an ongoing list from 2007 to current**

Today is October 15th, a day of awareness and remembrance. Please take a moment to read and speak these babies names aloud. They deserve to be acknowledged. These are the angels that I “know”. Please join us around the world, lighting a candle for at least one hour from 7 pm to 8 pm in your time zone. The idea being to create a wave of light around the world for these little ones and their families.

Samuel Andrew- August 15, 2006
Jackson Robert- February 21, 2007
Birdie Amiina - March 3, 2007
Charlotte Amelia - May 13, 2003
Maddalena (Maddy) - February 12 - February 18, 2007
Natan - January 3, 2007
Alex Gerard - May 11, 2005
Travis Leo - May 8, 2006
William Kelly - February 1, 2006
Thomas Joseph - March 9 - March 10, 2005
Niobe’s twins - 2006
Callum - November 1, 2007
Hannah - December 14, 2007
Max - August 2006
Henry - January 17
Sidney Josephine - September 15, 2009
Persephone Camille - June 4, 2009
Ava Leigh - February 1 - April 1, 2008
Noah Randall - November 2008

How very softly you tiptoed into our world.
Almost silently.
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint your tiny footprints have left upon our hearts.

__________________________________________________
Please honor your baby or a baby you know by leaving their name under comments and I will add them to the list of angels.

October 15, 2009 - 4:15 PM Comments (2)

Unright

It is just not right that I’m adding another baby’s name to the list of angels I carry in my heart and head.

Little Sidney was born quiet today. I’ll tuck her mama, papa and big brother close with me during sleep and hope they find comfort with one another.

Sending warm energy to those working so hard to attend to the family during this difficult time.

September 16, 2009 - 10:45 PM No Comments

Oozing

Ok, the time has come. I’ve had a thousand thoughts and inspirations running in my head for weeks. I’ve gotten up so many times thinking I’d post a blog entry on notepad and publish at work or wait until I had internet and then get right on it, or maybe it is for a handwritten journal, an email to close friends, a casual conversation.

I don’t think I’ve quite reached the point where I want to take photos in the craft store per her suggestion but I would like to get some things down on paper

My sister vacated her house and I’m now the owner of various sheets of plexiglass. Visions of backwards collages, paintings, cubes, etc dance in my head. Could I be a pioneer or will I learn from “professionals” that plexiglass is a bitch?

My weekend consisted of time and money spent at home improvement stores buying various wall hanging mechanisms to work on making my apartment a home. The lovely G bestowed me last year for my birthday with one of her original pieces and it resides in my closet for safe keeping. It needs a worthy spot. I bought pads of paper at the craft store for collage, or scrap or cards. Today I had a self involved discussion about the difference between craft and art and I don’t care about any of it I just want it out of me.

I discussed with my therapist that I feel like I’ve swung so far in another direction that it worries me. She seems to believe I’m just undammed. I hope she’s right.

Mosaic, X-acto, modge podge, paint, organizers, frames, canvas oh my! Chore charts, reminders for the kids, lamination I want to do it all.

Don’t get me starting on the sewing. I’m already struggling to find a way to organize my house to house my computer, printer and monitor, not to mention my son’s computer and yet I want a sewing machine. I’m sure I’ll have one soon. I’ve already bought a book. I dream of pulling the lovely circular fabric of mine I’ve been saving for 10 years and finally figuring out how to best enjoy it.

The creative juices extend to my body as a prepare to get my first tattoo, designs abound, a chance for someone’s artist vision to speak to me?

Chicken or egg, a visit to our local university’s gallery was an emotional shockwave as I scrolled through dozens of photographs from the Vietnam War era by photographers who died sharing them with us. The exhibit is called Requiem and I highly recommend it if you are a fan of the subject or the medium. On this same visit I experienced the work of Eunice Parsons. I couldn’t help but feel and see dear Gabrielle in her work. Who am I kidding? I can’t see art and not think of her, her love, her creativity, her joy of sharing art with the world. One visit has stretched into weeks of mulling and revisiting my memories as I’ve attended related lectures and just Sunday saw a powerfully moving visit into the artist’s studio. I had to hold back tears as my heart leaps with music in the film, in my house, and a message that was displayed soley for me!

I love summer, this one not so much, but I don’t really want to trade my warm mornings and evenings or the evenings spent in the water but as I know I have no sway I will welcome autumn and the fading temperatures.

So I will let this new me grow and develop. I will try to avoid the normal pitfalls of living for network tv. I will craft, maybe even make art. I will watch films and download music. Family time on YouTube will buffer time in the kitchen baking, routine will keep us in check as we personalize each person’s responsibilities to contributing to the family and the household.

It is all interwined, these lessons of importance, simplicity, love and the awareness that life is so very short, even at 90

September 14, 2009 - 10:11 PM Comment (1)

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