def heart = { it ->
def String status = null;
if week < = 20 { status == 'intact' }
else if week >= 21 { status == ‘broken’ }
}
Since you alone are responsible for your thoughts, only you can change them.–Paramahansa Yogananda
I’m doing a hard drive purging and I came across this posted that I started to write when I wasn’t online and apparently never cycled back to:
10/07/2009 (8:33 am)
It’s one of those mornings where the timing is a bit off. I’m low on energy, or maybe I’m sensing a need to hibernate. Commuting has never really worked for me despite how many years of my life I’ve dedicated to it.
I miss traveling for work, waking up in strange cities alone with nothing to do but wander until a conference or a workshop begins. How decadent it seemed that time I sat alone on the banks of the water on the American side of the top of Niagara Falls with nothing to do but rest. (That was far better than the time I fought with Padma on the phone the entire time I was at a conference in San Francisco until I finally flew home before I even had an opportunity to see my kindred who was about to fly in from South Africa or Europe.) I suppose I miss traveling in general, but traveling alone on someone else’s dime is definitely the best. Next best is traveling with someone that it is really easy to travel with. Gabrielle was always one of my favorite traveling companions. She’d say, “I’m hungry” to which I’d reply, “Okay, let’s eat.” We’d look around, pick some place, and be done. (I almost fell in love with her the first time that happened.) I have a few friends that I’ve spent hours deciding where to dine with. Everything is simple when traveling with Gabrielle, whether it be a spontaneous decision to get tattoos or one to gamble in a casino with only $20 knowing that such an activity will have nearly overlapping starting and ending points.
How funny it is for me to have been away from you all for so long that I no longer need to hide your names. There’s no one that will connect us together via the powers of Google, and no longer will I sit down half way around the world and be recognized for being the poetess that I once was. I’m separate from you all in a way that I never expected, my virtual pages are mostly empty, and only rarely will I share them. I’ll also never seek out likeminded writers again. I haven’t the time and energy for such networking, and my forever closing the comments partly seals that deal.
Sometime early on in our friendship Solomon and I discussed reading editorials and I told him that I never read them. “I’m not interested in other people’s opionions,” I proclaimed. I remember at the time that Solomon had quite the reaction. My statement partly came from my place as a budding social scientist where I felt it important to strictly delineate between facts and opinion. I suppose this also relates to my dislike of most forms of persuasion and all forms of debating. (If you ever want to end a conversation with me, start a debate. If you ever hope to influence me in any way, choose another tack.) I’m am at a loss of words to explain how this relates to my decision to close the comments but perhaps some of you will connect the dots on your own. Maybe it is partly because I no longer have an online community and it is back to me being on my own. It may also partly be because when I speak of things as deeply personal as some of them that I’ve brought up lately, I am resistant to feedback. And those of us that are left are touching in through RSS readers, anyway, so we’re less likely to comment even when we have a response.
I used to write things that I wanted to share with you all but was afraid to say. I wanted to reveal the inner workings of my mind. I felt like there was a way in which I saw the world that I couldn’t communicate because despite many attempts I had never mastered the vulcan mind meld. I’d become so close to some of you that we’d regularly speak in unison but still there was a part of me that you couldn’t see. I’d agonize when we were apart because I so didn’t want to miss even a second of your lives. Now our lives barely overlap at all anymore.
…this is how I’ll know I’m coming back: I’ve committed to paper moments that no one will ever relive.
…I watched the crowds of camera-laden tourists for a while, then refocused my brain to watch my hand. There’s no clue to a composition in its movement; the pen makes its own patterns like a planchette on an Ouija board. There’s no telling when or why it may start or stop.
…I’m residing, somewhere, in these pads of paper.–Richard Clewes
I reside in an endless string of 0s and 1s that can only be conjured through that patterned click of the keyboard that I so love.
Please come find me.
If you are busy, then busyness is the meditation. Meditation is to know what you are doing. When you do calculations, know that you are doing calculations. If you are rushing to the office, then you should be mindful of ‘rushing.’ When you are eating, putting on your shoes, your socks, your clothes, you must be mindful. It is all meditation!–Dipa Ma
autumn sunbeams · spontaneous joining · reminders · positive reinforcement · immersing myself in a crowd of people both beautiful on the inside and out · coffee · endurance · [re]learning how to allow myself to manifest calm · feeling positive despite the drama[s] · daydreaming of kissing · foreheads resting against foreheads · cheeks resting against cheeks · pumpkin ravioli topped with puttanesca · natural ending points · potential
Ah, the wisdom of no escape.
…the Indian yogi, striving for release, identifies himself with the Light and never returns. But no one with a will to the service of others would permit himself such an escape. This ultimate aim of the quest must neither be release nor ecstasy for oneself, but the wisdom and the power to serve others.–Joseph Campbell
gingerbread lattes · my lover’s vocabulary · inspiration · sunbeams streaming in through the window of the train · his somnolence · feeling accepted for who I am despite my neuroses · coming home to a nearly complete clean house · cathartic tears · samhain · the full moon · a new circle of friends to dance with · his jawline · reminders to wake up · coffee in the shower · the vividness of norbu’s eyes as he wore his bright green pullover · being open to possibilities · realizing potential · learning to let go · feeling blessed that i have norbu in my life after my cab driver told me how her son overdosed on drugs and passed · realizing this list could go on forever
With the weekend said and done, the moment I’d most like to revisit is our picnic of bagels and pomegranate juice. Open air, sunshine, and crisp clean air (clean being a relative term, of course)–maybe some people just make me want to be outside.
The basis of neurosis, or even physical discomfort and pain, is mind and body not joining together.–Chögyam Trunga Rinpoche