trite
I'm often too weary of computers by the end of the day to exorcise my demons properly. Other times, like today, perhaps, I am here but I have no demons to set free.
I'm filled with an enormous sense of gratitude in so many areas of my life. In some regards I am so very blessed—doubly so, I suppose, given I'm able to recognize those blessings. Revel in them. Shape my life with them.
I've noticed, however, that there are certain situations I've yet to fully appreciate. It is in those situations that I wallow as if stuck in a festering muddy swamp. I have this dim memory of finding challenges invigorating, dancing in the freshness of phenomena in its impermanent state. I remember that feeling of open sky even in those moments in which I'm afraid to let go.
I hold on, hip deep in the mud, fighting the suction with such a voracity that I become more and more stuck and less and less aware of the fact that I'm free from the waist up. How dare I neglect the half of me that is awake and free and charmed by life to focus on the parts of me that are buried in a stagnant pond. Why not let myself reintegrate? Let them work together. So what if the clean half ends up a little dirty? Maybe if the muddy half didn't feel so alone it could relax a little, get friendly with the mud, and break free. Reunited, the two halves could move on and go get cleaned up together.
I'm lost without my demons. Without my demons all I have to pontificate upon is some trite bullshit. Of course this trite bullshit is helping me to appreciate my demons, so maybe it's all working out as it should.