rest
Can't sleep. I'm reliving my betrayal.
I never thought I'd be in this place, but there I was, in bed, wrapped up in a fluffy comforter, thinking, "I can't trust you (or you or you or you) because of you." I then found myself thinking of that whole taking responsibility of one's own feelings business, trying to remind myself that my inability to trust isn't anyone's fault other than my own.
One more day. One long weekend. One sleepless evening where I find myself now reviewing the day's regrets. I lost patience with my precious jewel. It's so easy to do that. Ah well, tomorrow's another day. Can't fix the 5,000 mistakes I've made with him. Can only do my best to accept what is and to try to make his tomorrow safe and comfortable. It's funny how so much of the day was fine and yet I'm upset about a five minute chunk.
This whole entry seems rather foolish and not at all what I want to share but I think that it will allow me to sleep and sleep I dearly need. I think that I just needed to acknowledge where I am in order to feel like I can let it go and look forward to what's happening now and thereafter. I'm so tired my eyes are watering, or am I crying and I can't even tell? I suppose it doesn't matter. Time for rest.