auspicious coincidence

I woke up all grumbly this morning, short-tempered with Norbu up until the point that I left for work this morning. 

Work is at times as arduous as I find myself overcome with the emotion of wrapping things up, and I feel lonely and sad.  I want to call him but I don't.  I want to call the other as well, but I don't. 

I spent a few minutes daydreaming about the life that I want and went through the motions of starting to put that together as if it were really happening, but that just made the loneliness all the more acute. I think that I would have sighed if I only had had enough air.

... 

I'm lonely enough that I'd like to sing myself a song, but I don't sing.  The fact that I'm at work makes it awkward, too.   

...

Even now, after all this time, I still think to myself, I want my life back. And the funny thing is that it was my life for such a short amount of time, far shorter than most of the other significant episodes in my life.

...

There's this email that seems to make me cry and I keep reading it.  I'm sure if that's because I sense that deep down I need to cry, or if it's because I want to cry.  Perhaps the difference doesn't matter.