compass
I did review some of those Shambhala training materials, including some sections on hope. It was indeed helpful in giving me a bit more perspective on things. It amazes me how there are such common threads in the human psyche that such words of wisdom seem to speak to me so directly. I am amazed to see how I have regressed, how I've lost that sparky confidence that I was nurturing, how I've lost that sense of spaciousness that I no longer even seem to believe in. I look up at the vast open sky and I see nothing but a smog coating the atmosphere, making the world smaller and difficult to breathe in.
Sangha is so clearly important, more important than I ever realized. My self-reliance is based on fear and isolation, not an actual belief that I can get anywhere on my own. The Vidyadhara makes mention of how we might try to hide from our fellow Shambhala warriors, hoping that they won't notice as we revert back to our quest toward the temporary pleasures of the setting sun world. Had I not lost my warrior's compass somewhere along the way, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up so lost and alone. I don't even think that I lost it. I think that I sat it down in pursuit of one more good time with Padma and, so intent on Padma, couldn't remember where I left it when it was time to get moving again.