atrophy
Remember when I mentioned those emails to Jigme and Nyima in list format? Here's an excerpt that seemed meaningful to me after I wrote it:
14. Anyway, back to the practices...I think that once you get a certain degree into all this stuff, working with your mind, waking up, etc., you are just in for a further hell if you stop. Kind of like if you train your body to eat less calories and burn more through exercise and then start indulging without exercising: You end up worse off then you were before you started eating better and exercising in the first place. Like now you have muscle that turns to fat.
15. That's how I feel. As if I've let my heart atrophy...